I have been seeing some people actually looking at my blog lately. That's awesome and creates a sense of necessity to make sure I get a post out there. I see some views were from Russia, which is kinda nice, I was actually thinking about trying to teach out there at one point, before I went to school, I was seriously looking at trying to go over to teach and work.

I am a little stressed at school, this subject is harder then most for me to grasp, and I have an exam tomorrow, so I am trying to get all the information I need.

I did want to mention that I have been going to the gym 3 times a week. I do cardio and resistance training. I've been staying at around 330 LBS, I am being told that my body composition is changing however because muscle is denser than fat, my weight is staying at this state. I am getting upset. I am big, and I am working hard and I would love to see results, and it's hurting me that I can't. To me even though my body composition (body fat to muscle ratio), that's awesome, but I don't look any different to me. I want to see some changes in the way I look.

However I will keep on keeping on and I will keep updating this so that others will be encouraged. I also hope that people will start finding this and realizing that I'm just a woman from a small palce, and this is an attempt to feel connected to something bigger. I don't have many connections, so I hope to find some.

Peace, love and light!

So its been awhile again, sorry about that. I've been recently going through some thought changes. I used to be Miss Positivist, always believing that everything works out for the good and it will always end up good, even through the bad. Well it's been getting harder and harder to believe that when you see it over and over again that it's not like that.

I've been learning about theories and philosophy again and the conflict theory really stands out. Its basic premise is that people in power, or position of power, or those with prestige (status) are causing those who don't to be subordinate and lower them them, and they get away with it because their in power.

I mean look at the fact that two people could do the exact same thing, but because one's a doctor, and the other is poor and unemployed he gets away with it and the other doesn't. This happens because the Doctor, like politicians, lawyers, and things like that are seen as productive members of society and the other is not.

So that's my post for today, as I said before I will try to get on here to wrote more often. Keep reading.

Getting serious now!

I have been going over and over how to make this blog something special, but also something real, so instead of not coming on and posting random posts, I've decided to post whatever I feel. When I started this it was about me having a voice where I didn't have one, so that's what I am going to do.

I've been absent, A LOT of bad, good, then bad, has happened in my life. I am learning from this and moving onward and trying to move forward. One of the things I am trying to do is loose weight and become fit. So right now this is something I will be talking about.

I've been a big girl my whole life, like really, and when I say this I really want you to know like 364 LBS. I have been big for AS long as I can remember. So I'm not just this person who is thin but think shes fat, nope that's not me. I've been kinda saying over and over why can't I find something online about a BIG girl weight loss success story. Like someone like me, but they are scarce. I can't find any.

SO I am going to be one. This journey is just starting, and I am only doing weight loss for myself. No one else. I ALWAYS say we have to love ourselves just as we are or we will never love ourselves. I am a big girl, but I never let that stop me. I love me for just me, and I will always love me. Being bigger doesn't define how I feel about me, I DO. Anyone who is reading this that feels like your worthless, know that YOUR NOT. Only you can make yourself worthless if you allow that thought in. no one else can, not your friends, enemies, teachers, bosses, or even family.

I've had a family that mentioned my wright my whole life, literally even Christmas presents were weight loss stuff. I chose to LOVE ME for me, and not allow anyone to make me feel smaller. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, "No one can make you feel inferior without you consent." No matter who it is in our lives only we control how people make us feel. I know I am probably making this sound easy, and if your struggling with this right now, your like, "Yeah, easy for her to say, but she really doesn't know what its like." I really do know what its like. REALLY, and that's why I want to tell others.

So I will be posting about my journey as it continues. I have been to the gym the past 2 nights, and I think going tonight. I am in a lot of pain, because last night I did what's called, training to failure. SO I am hoping to see some results. I'll even post weight loss, achievements, when I do.

Thanks for your time, and reading, and remember you, just YOU, are awesome, be just who you are.

Peace, love and light!